Burdened
by Gracella
Summary: Darry Curtis ponders a few choice events from his past.
1. Chapter 1

Sometimes Darry Curtis could be forgetful.

Sometimes, after a long, brutal day roofing houses in the burning sunlight, it was easy to forget the life he used to have, one that was relatively carefree. Sometimes he forgot the innocence his parents had worked so hard to instill in his brothers.  
/It was an easy thing to do. But then there would be reminders, brilliant flashes in their everyday monotony, and in those moments, he could see clearly again. All the _pain_ , all the _laughter_ , all the _love_.

 _It was a week after Soda had dropped out of school. It had to have been close to 2 a.m., and Darry was waiting for him to come home. The eldest Curtis sat at the kitchen table, pushing the crumbs left from a slice of chocolate cake around on his plate. He glanced up periodically, his icy gaze checking and double checking the digits on the clock. He should have been home by now._

 _Minute by minute passed, and with each second Darry's worry grew. Every Greaser knew the stories. The late night muggings, the knife fights, the gang battles. His happy-go-lucky brother was just impulsive enough to quite possibly get involved in any matter of those._

 _Finally, as the clock rang on the hour, Darry stood up, the wood legs of his chair screeching gratingly against the tile of the floor. He yanked his jacket from the hook by the door, and then strode back across the room to the kitchen cabinets. He rifled ferociously through the drawers, looking for a switchblade, and the clatter he was making almost disguised the noise of the storm door creaking open._

 _"Hey, Dar." Came his brothers soft voice. Darry looked up, his face one of blatant surprise as Soda waltzed into the room. His eyes held about a thousand years worth of exhaustion as he stumbled to the couch, removing various articles of his grime and grease covered clothing until he collapsed into the cushion, wearing only his boxers and his hat._

 _The younger Curtis gave a loud yawn, then seemed to focus on his brother for the first time since walking in, his brows furrowing as he took in his brother's shocked expression as he stood frozen, the switchblade clutched in his unmoving fist. "Everything ok?" Some of the fatigue in his face melted into concern, and he sat up a little straighter. "Where's Pony?" He asked, automatically assuming the worst._

 _Darry stared incredulously, always taken aback by his brother's relaxed interest. He never understood how oblivious Soda could be to worry when it concerned him and not someone else. It was as if the kid didn't think anyone could worry about him._

 _"Where the hell have you been?" He managed to sputter, more relieved than angry. Soda gave a resigned shrug of his shoulders, leaning back once more against the couch. "Boss asked if I could work a double shift. Figured we could use the money, so I said yes."_

 _Finally regaining the use of his limbs, Darry dropped the blade back into the drawer, approaching Soda. He did a quick calculation in his mind when he heard the words, his expression remaining unreadable, as was his trademark countenance. "You left for work at eleven o'clock this mornin', Sodapop. You tellin' me you been at work all this time?"_

 _Soda nodded, his eyes finding the floor. Anyone else listening to the conversation would have heard an older brother asking his younger one a simple question. But Soda was closer to him than anybody, and he heard the underlining meaning._

 _They were words of concern, worried about how long his little brother had worked, just so they could afford the most basic of necessities. They held the guilt Darry carried that Soda had to work. There was residual anger over Soda dropping out, mixed with the great pride he felt for how hard he worked._

 _Soda offered his brother a carefree grin. "The girls dig it, man." He stared simply, pulling the brim of his hat over his face as he leaned back on his arms, feigning sleep to spare Darry from the emotional conversation that could have been about to happen._

It was moments like these where Darry saw how broken their family had become, but also how strong they were when united. As this memory appeared in his mind, Darry rifled through the fridge. Due to his absentmindedness, it took him longer than it should  
/have, considering there were only about two things in it. His eyes fell on the only consistent thing they ever had in their refrigerator: a messy little chocolate cake, and another memory sprang into his mind.

 _Mrs. Curtis swatted Soda's hand away as he snuck a finger's worth of batter. "I ain't gonna tell you again, stay out of the batter or we won't have enough for the cake." She scolded, but as always, there was a glimmer of mirth in her eyes. It was impossible not to, no one could deny Soda's charm when he sent them his oh-so-charming grin._

 _"Relax," Soda laughed, his eyes twinkling with mischief. "The batter is better anyway." He shot Pony a cheeky smirk when he saw that his younger brother was currently attempting to steal a bit of the ingredients himself. Mrs. Curtis was far too quick however, and she smacked the wooden spoon she was holding against Pony's hand. "Shoo. Both of you. Or you ain't getting this cake."_

 _Her infectious grin, so much like Soda's, made her threat much less intimidating, but her boys ran off anyway, laughing all the while. Margaret Curtis then turned to her eldest, giving him a smile. "This is why you're my favorite, Darry." She said loudly enough so the other two could hear, before sending him a wink. Darry returned the smile, though with a tinge of mischief himself, as he had snuck some of the recipe as well, just a lot sneakier than the likes of his little brothers._

Darry sighed, putting the cake on the counter. He grimaced vaguely as he noticed a distinct handprint in the frosting where Steve had gotten into it, no doubt, and carefully cut around it. Who knew what kind of disease that kid could be carrying. Steve  
/had always been a bit of a permanent fixture in the Curtis household. Like an annoying brother you just want to lock in a closet and forget about.

 _"Soda!" Twelve year old Darry yelled, running as hard and fast as he could through the tall grass of the vacant lot. A panic was starting to set it, his seven year old brother had been missing for the last hour. "_ Mom and dad are going to kill  
me _.." He thought, his heart pounding in his chest._

 _He had searched every inch of town, from the old DX to the elementary school. Darry forced himself to stop running, taking a deep breath to clear his head, attempting to purse the problem logically. The two of them had been planning catch, and when Soda accidentally missed it, he ran after the ball. Darry waited a good ten minutes for him to come back, but he never did._

 _Worst of all, Darry had found the baseball sitting there at the bottom of the hill, with Soda-sized footprints leading right up to it in the dust._

 _The oldest Curtis began his run again, still calling out his brother's name as he searched frantically. He was beginning to give up when he heard it. Laughter. Soda's laughter. His little brother was in the backyard of a broken down house a few streets down from their own, cackling like a mad man as he and another kid climbed into the utmost branches of a tall tree._

 _Soda caught sight of his older brother when he peered over the fence, and his little face broke into an even wider grin- if that were possible. He took a flying leap off of one of the branches,soaring to the ground with the grace of a firecracker. "Dar!" He cheered, running to his brother as fast as he could. "Look!" He pointed to the gap-toothed, bright eyed boy with the mop of dark hair. "That's Steve Randle." He squared up his thin shoulders as he said it, mimicking the teenage greasers he had seen around the neighborhood. Darry rolled his eyes, sighing._

The memory caused present-day Darry to roll his eyes in the perfect imitation of his younger self. He pushed the cake back into the fridge, taking a cigarette from his pocket. He took a long drag on it, the soothing feeling hitting him almost instantaneously.  
/Sometimes he enjoyed the memories, other times, all they did was remind the roofer of what he had lost.

Darry Curtis had gone from big brother to father figure and primary caregiver in the course of a minute. Everyday was a struggle, every moment a burden.

He took another drag, then snuffed out the flame in a quick, deft movement, shaking his head. _Burden_. It wasn't a burden, they weren't a sacrifice. Sure, he'd given up his future, his education, his chances at worldly happiness. But in the meantime  
/he had gained something so much greater. And he wouldn't trade the life he had now for all the riches and wealth in the world. So he threw those memories out with the butt of the cigarette. He didn't need them anymore. He had all he needed right in  
/that little run down house.

* * *

 **Really enjoyed this one. I'm thinking of turning it into a series of one shots focusing on snapshots of old memories, but I should probably wait. For those of you who are reading my multi-chapter story, I've decided I'll be updating that one every few days, but onthe days I don't update, I'll probably post oneshots. I'm too obsessed with these boys for my own good.**

 **Don't forget to R &R!**

 **-Gracella**


	2. Chapter 2

"Food coloring isn't supposed to go in eggs, little buddy." Darry Curtis's voice was half exasperated, half amused. Soda sent him a cheeky grin, sitting down and scooting his chair up to the rickety table. Ponyboy wrinkled his nose, looking down at his plate. "Of all the colors in the world and you picked green, Sodapop?"

Soda shrugged, happily digging into his plate, scooping up some green eggs on his fork and shoving it into his mouth. He ate hastily, then pushed his plate forward towards the center of the table. "Pony's night to do dishes." He ruffled his little brothers slicked back hair, jumping to his feet.

The two other Curtis's raised an eyebrow, watching their happy-go-lucky brother cheerfully grab his jacket. He was singing some upbeat song under his breath that resembled "Great Balls of Fire," but honestly with Soda it was always hard to tell.

"Where you going, Soda?" Darry called over to him as his younger brother reached for the handle of the storm door. Soda glanced over his shoulder. "Got a date. Be back eventually."

Darry rolled his eyes and Pony grinned slightly, and the two exchanged a look. It was good to see their brother had finally gotten over his broken heart.

 _Darry had seen many things in little house after he got back from work. One night he had caught Two-Bit there with a girl. Apparently the vacant lot wasn't as good a place to go about their business as the Curtis kitchen table was. Another time he had walked in to see Steve and Curly Shepard attempting to see how hard you had to throw a kitchen knife to get it to stick in the cabinets. (To which he had explained you don't have to throw it nearly as hard to get it to slice through one of them)_

 _But that particular night, when he stepped into the house from a twelve hour shift, ready to collapse into bed, he was greeted by a sight that made his blood run cold. There was his little brother at the kitchen table, resting his face on his arms, his hair disheveled as his shoulders shook from silent sobs._

 _Darry was no stranger to Soda's emotional outbursts. Soda wore everything on his sleeve, always had. For a greaser, that wasn't really fun. People like Dally had given him countless hours of grief about it, but eventually they always stopped, because Soda owned it well. Honestly, it was difficult to have a problem with someone like Sodapop Curtis. He was one of those guys that you can't help but like._

 _This particular outburst wasn't like others before. Soda was like a firecracker, exploding into vibrant arrays of feelings. But this time, he was silent, he held the image of someone simply giving up. At first, Darry had thought it was about Pony and his disappearance, and sure, that was part of it. But there was something else, as well._

 _Soda raised his head as he heard the creak of the kitchen door, and in the way of a man who was truly feeling defeated, he didn't even bother trying to wipe the tears from his face. This wasn't a time for pride. Darry quietly hung up his jacket, Soda watching him silently the whole time, then made his way over to the table. He sat down across from his brother, his hands clasped. Waiting._

 _"Hey Dar." Soda said simply, his voice shaky. Darry wasn't good at emotions. He thought carefully about what to say. He and Soda were closer than just about anybody, but when it actually came to talking about real stuff, they just ignored it. That's why Soda had Pony. Pony could understand him in a way that Darry just couldn't._

 _"What's going on, little buddy?" He asked casually, his feet, still clad in his grimy work boots, tapped against the tiles of the floor. Soda gave a feeble shrug. "It's Sandy, man." He replied, and the sound of her name was wracked with pain. Darry's brows furrowed over his icy eyes. "What's wrong with her? She hurt?"_

 _Soda gave a barking laugh, shaking his head. "She ain't hurt. She's pregnant." All evidence of exhaustion was erased from Darry's face, his eyes widening. "Pregnant?" He stood up, the chair screeching against the tiles. "You two ain't even married yet. What the hell were you thinking, Sodapop?" He demanded, his voice rough._

 _It wasn't like Darry didn't know about some of Soda and Sandy's more.. private.. activities. Hell, he'd sure walked in on them enough times for that. But this? How could his brother been so irresponsible. How the hell could he- "It ain't mine, Dar." Came the hollow reply, cutting off the rant that was happening in Darry's mind. "It's not my kid." He repeated miserably, his face falling into his arms again._

 _Darry sat down hard, his face even more shocked than it was previously. "W-what?" It took a lot to surprise Darry Curtis, and he doubted anything ever would more than this night. He'd seen the way Sandy and Soda looked at each other. The gentle touches, the meaningful smiles. They were more in love than anybody he'd ever seen._

 _Though he couldn't see Soda's face, his now muffled voice was muddled with tears again. "She told me tonight. It's some other guy's. I didn't ask who. She didn't tell me." He raised his face again, and Darry's heart plummeted from the pain on his brother's face. "I love her, Dar. I'll always love her. I told her that, told her I'd marry her anyway. I don't even care that it ain't mine, I just can't lose her, man." His voice cracked at the last word._

 _He closed his blue eyes, steeling himself for what he was about to say. "She's moving to Florida with her grandmother. I guess she ain't as in love with me as I thought."_

 _It was the simplicity of the statement that finally broke him, and Soda dissolved into body-wracking sobs. Darry sighed, standing up. He walked over to his brother, hugging him tightly. Darry wasn't one for affection like this. But for Soda, he would make an acceptation._

Darry helped Ponyboy clear the dishes. The two of them had been making a careful effort to spend more time together lately. Ever since Soda's outburst about their tendency to fight, they had shared an unspoken pact to do better.

"Get a good grade on your theme, Pony?" Darry asked absently, polishing one of the stained plates with a towel. Pony shrugged. "C+. He said I would have gotten an A, but because it was late.." The youngest Curtis trailed off, watching his brother out of the corner of his eye. Darry didn't speak for a moment, swallowing all the things he would have normally said, about how Pony should be trying harder, that he was the smartest one of all of them, and that he needed to improve his chances of a bright future. "Nice." He stated simply, and Pony nodded.

"When do ya think Soda'll be back?" Pony asked, carefully changing the subject. "You know how he gets all riled up after a date, I don't wanna get woken up."

Darry shrugged, glancing over at the door as if the most energetic Curtis would appear there. "Dunno. Probably pretty late. I'll make him sleep on the couch, if you want." He suggested.

"Nah, that's ok, man." Pony shrugged. He'd never admit it, but he needed Soda in the same room as him. The nightmares about his parent's deaths had only gotten worse, now tangled with images of Dally's broken corpse and Johnny's burned flesh.

Darry nodded shortly in reply. The two remained quiet for a few seconds, finishing up the cleaning process of the kitchen. "I'm going to the drive-in, alright?" Pony walked to the bathroom, running a comb through his greased locks. "Not at this time of night, you ain't. You'll get jumped." Replied his brother, sitting down on the couch with the newspaper in his hand.

Pony sighed, crossing his arms. "Two-Bit'll be there." Darry didn't bother to look up. "If you think that'll help your case, you're wrong. First of all, it's a school night, second of all, Two-Bit is the worst damn bodyguard you could find."

Ponyboy started to argue, then a vision of Soda's face floated into his minds eye, and he turned, walking into his room whilst muttering a few choose phrases under his breath.

Darry shook his head, smiling ever so slightly at this. Part of him knew he needed to let Pony out into the world at some point, but then he remembered the last time his almost 15 year old brother had left the house in the dead of night, and every trace of a smile quickly disappeared. Not to mention, he remembered quite clearly everything he and Soda had gotten into during those late night escapes.

 _Darry pulled a T-Shirt over his well-muscled form as Soda stood in the opposite part of the room, currently rifling through his possessions in search of a few remnants of cash. "What time are we picking them up?" Asked the eldest Curtis, glancing over at his fifteen year old brother._

 _Soda glanced up. "Told her we'd be there at seven." He found what little money he could, shoving it into the pockets of his jeans. "We should get going." He grinned, running past his brother._

 _The two of them carefully avoided their parents as they made their way outside, climbing into the car. Soda sat behind the wheel, and Darry began to regret that as he took off down the road, turning corners much sharper than necessary. "I swear if the fuzz come along and mess up this night cause you been driving too fast..." he muttered, shooting his brother a look._

 _The younger Curtis just flashed his trademark grin. "Don't worry, Dar. Just trying to make sure we get there in time, don't want the girls to find themselves some new men." He took his hands off the wheel long enough to make sure his collar was still popped, and Darry rolled his eyes. "There's only one man in this car, little buddy, and it ain't you."_

 _The two arrived at the tiny little house two streets down, the blue paint peeling, and made their way up to the door. Darry raised a fist, knocking, and a second later, two girls appeared. They were sisters, their ages perfectly lining up with that of the Curtis brothers, and Darry and Soda had finally arranged a double date._

 _"'Bout time you boys got here." The eldest, Mary, stated, flipping her blonde locks behind her as she flounced down the front steps. Her younger sister, Rebecca, stuck close to Sodapop. Darry couldn't help but roll his eyes. Every girl Soda ever talked to seemed to cling to him like Saran Wrap._

 _The group headed to some sketchy little diner that Two-Bit had recommended, and before the meals had even arrived both the boys had successfully began making out with their respective girl._

Darry shook his head, folding up his newspaper. It was different with Soda, always was. Soda was like his best friend, and Ponyboy was like, well, a son basically. Now that their parents were dead, Darry had took on a roll of a father. For Soda, he was too old, and they were too close.

But Pony was different, and there was nothing Darry could do to change that. No matter how hard he tried.

* * *

 **Thanks to the overwhelming positive reviews I received, I'm turning this into a collection of one shots. Thank you so much for the kind words!**


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